Programmer jokes

General Discussions
#21

In Soviet Russia, null refers to you!

(I’m truely sorry for this odd attempt at being funny)

#22

Fault seg’s you!

[sup][sup]Nope, still not funny :</sup>[/sup][/sup]

#23

FizzBuzzEnterpriseEdition.

#24

In the category bad jokes:

Chuck Norris his first program was kill -9

#25

It hurts when IP.

  • Jev
#26

What does a computer scientist wear on Halloween?

A bit-mask.

#27

The First Poem Written for Computers


        <>!*''#
        ^"`$$-
        !*=@$_
        %*<>~4
        &[]../
        |{,,SYSTEM HALTED

For you somewhat cybernetically challenged, it goes something like this (using the proper cyber-names):


    Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
    Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
    Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
    Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
    Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
    Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH

From http://www.cise.ufl.edu/~ddd/poem.htm

#28

The hype around LISP is all cons.

#29

2 bytes walk into a bar, the bartender says, “what can I get you guys?”.

“Make us a double!”.

#30

Wouldn’t that be two floats?

#31

Or a short! (no idea about English, but it is senseful in German…)

#32

Can you serve me a drink while I shift in this char?

  • Sure, but it might overflow a bit.

:emo:

#33

Let the medals begin…

#34

I’m hopeless. I’d much rather feed this thread to the chitchat monster, than to get my medals from this kind of crap :slight_smile:

#35

No, its a good thread.

#36

Well spoken, +1

#37

It’s okay, Riven. I can just hold all those medals for you if they’re so heavy. ::slight_smile:

#38

99 little bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
Fix one bug, compile it again
101 little bugs in the code.

101 little bugs in the code
101 bugs in the code
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.

#39

Wouldn’t sound right lol

#40 

  public void printJokes()
  {
    java.util.Random rng = java.util.concurrent.ThreadLocalRandom.current();
    
    for(Book book : books) {
      String title = book.title.toLowerCase();
      int    ha    = 0;
      
      if (title.contains("best"))           ha++;
      if (title.contains("modular"))        ha++;
      if (title.contains("teach yourself")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("learn to"))   ha++;
      if (title.contains("agile"))      ha++;
      if (title.contains("extreme"))    ha++;
      if (title.contains("wicked"))     ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("cool"))       ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("hardcore"))   ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("expert"))     ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("killer"))     ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("awesome"))    ha += 3;
      if (title.contains("days"))       ha += 7;
      if (title.contains("weeks"))      ha += 6;
      if (title.contains("like a pro")) ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("by example")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("with examples")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("software engineering")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("patterns"))   ha++;
      
      if (ha != 0) {
        int first = ha <= 3 ? ha : ha-3;
        int last  = ha-first;
        
        String joke = book.title + "?  ";
        
        do {
          while(first != 0) {
            joke += "ha";
            if (rng.nextBoolean()) joke += "! ";
            first--;
          }
          
          joke += "!";
        
          if (last != 0) {
            joke += " Stop! You're killing me!";
            first = last;
            last  = 0;
         } else break;
        } while(true);
        
        
        System.out.println(joke);
      }
      
    }
  }