Programmer jokes

I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

I prefer IP jokes; its all in the delivery.

I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I’d have to keep repeating it until you got it.

“There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, those who don’t, and those who didn’t expect this to be a base 3 joke.”

A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread.

That one got me actually LOL’ing :smiley:

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, ‘I know, I’ll use threads’ - and then two they hav erpoblesms.

Two programmers walk into a foo.

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”

Golden Lol. Need to keep that one in mind :stuck_out_tongue:


hip hip array.

I lost it.

What’s an C Programmer’s favorite food? Spaghetti.

(From an actual CS text I owned in the back.)
Recursion (See Recursive.)
Recursive (See Recursion.)

There’s a review on the children’s book The Story about Ping ( which is just fantastic.

I’ve seen that before, still funny as hell.

Not sure which is more sad, these jokes, or that I have heard almost all of them before…

Software is a lot like sex, make one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

This post is nice :slight_smile:


Yes, that was where I first got the programmer/loaf of bread joke. The networking protocol jokes were from reddit, which in turn seems to have been the source for the tickld 20-jokes post.



Yo’ mamma’s so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.

  • Jev

I really like this one from xkcd:

Sadly, most people I meet don’t get it…

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
[spoiler]Give him a bottle of shampoo which says “lather, rinse, repeat.”[/spoiler]

The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: “Can’t you see the warning written on the cigarette packet: smoking is injurious to health!” The boy replies: “Darling, I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings, we only worry about errors.”

Strange I can’t think of hardly any. Here’s some oldies.

Standards are great. Everyone should have one.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just redefine darkness to be the standard.

I swear if any single one of you make another bad joke I will detach the living **** out of your HEAD, and I won’t even try to merge it back for you. I can destroy your repository instantly, without even trying. Fear me.

Git it?

  • Jev