My dad, expecting a big strong jock of a son, was left with a computer nerd. You could imagine how he would be a little bit dissapointed.
I constantly am trying to show him that what I do is important and is an art all of its own, but it seems every feeble attempt I try to show him that game development is fascinating it seems to hinder my chances of actually interesting him.
So, does anyone else have problems similar to this? Just wondering since Iâm incredibly bored⌠as usual and want some discussion.
EDIT: No Iâm not asking for therapy. I just want some interesting, âprogramingâ related discussion to keep me occupied for the next few minutes.
Nope, my parents support me and think its awesome. Of course, my parents also do play role playing games and are book nerds but you know⌠It sucks, sorry! However its not your problem if he canât get over the fact that he has a smart son rather than a meaty jock. Letâs face it, most jocks arent book worms and donât know much besides sports and whatâs currently happening in sports. Not to say they are dumb, ignorance doesnât mean you have a low IQ, but I couldnât imagine living with a jockey dad who only talks about sports⌠I get sick of it at school as it is!
As a 29 year old who is old enough to possibly be close to your dadâs age, has had a lot more life experience than most people twice his age, and is majoring in Psychology with leaps and bounds more knowledge on how the brain works than the average person, My solution: Do what makes you happy and tell your dad to fk off (or, donât actually tell him to fk off. But just just give in to parental expectations for gender roles)
Your dad shouldnât be âexpectingâ you to do âmanly thingsâ. That is unhealthy to force you to have hobbies you donât want and do not benefit you. If you donât like sports, he should accept that. You should not be expected to do âmanlyâ things because thatâs expected of you, thatâs what makes societal sheep and muffles social progress. He should be respecting your intellectual pursuits. Programming skills are a lot more valuable than how far you can throw a pig skinned ball. You may not realize it now, but your brain will thank you for the logic skills you are gaining today. Not to mention the insurmountably large health benefits.
Your dad should be proud of you for what youâre doing, not disappointed in you for not doing what âboysâ should be doing. Trust me, what youâre doing now is a lot more beneficial to you in your future. Even if you donât become a programmer, at your age, learning logic and problem solving skills like youâre getting with programming is leaps and bounds more valuable than anything (and I do many anything) else you could be doing.
So, while you should respect your parents, your parents should also respect you. As long as youâre not doing anything that will harm you now or in the future, it shouldnât matter what you do. If I had a kid, I would love the fact heâs programming at such a young age, it goes into a massive amount of more detail than is worth going into, but the long term side effects of having complicated hobbies like programming at a young age will make you a mentally-stronger person for the rest of your life.
Funny, my dad was totally un-supportive of what I did as well.
He was a nerd in school himself, majoring being a scientist. However, to him, the only jobs that have any meaning is ones that have to do with the government, and the rest can go drown in a lake. I donât know, I have always had a very creative mind and always just ignored what he thought and moved on anyway. Computer Science has its own rewards and it has allowed me to meet some very interesting people.
In the end, I realized, it is about me and what I have a passion for. If my family members donât support it, that isnât their future, it is my own. I have to be happy with the future I want for myself. Creating, building, and developing games wasnât really a dream of mine when I started. But, now that Iâm doing it, I feel so happy for being part of the world of Computer Science.
If heâs not happy, heâs just going to have to deal with it.
It could be worse. There are plenty of less âmanlyâ things one could do. Programming is actually quite high up on the list of âmanlyâ hobbies (and this is kind-of causing issues, but thatâs a topic that Iâd rather leave alone).
Relying on physical strength your whole life is not a viable option. Your brain will last longer than your body.
That said, enjoy having a strong body while you can.
The best way to convince someone like this is to compromise somewhere that wonât stop you from programming. I wish I kept playing sports when I was around your age, because now I want to, and I canât because I no longer have the adequate skills.
If you can do some sort of sport and get your dad involved, that would definitely be a great solution.
Sorry that this post was all over the place.
(Off-topic: I ruined opiop65âs 100th-medal party. I regret nothing.)
Damn you Heroes, I was going to have a nice party!.. I had a nice salad and some party music all set up but no one showed Odd⌠Guess no one else knows Iâm internet famous!
Hell Iâm probably old enough to be your grandfather. Note oneâŚpresumably you have a computer so thereâs some support. Note twoâŚbeing able to program is a profitable skill even if youâre mediocre, while being a jock pretty much only is if youâre excellent. Note 3âŚbalanced physical, social and mental âexerciseâ is good for you. Iâve never met in academia or the real world excellent programmers that fit any stereotypical notion of nerdy/geeky/dorky.
Not to say that this is applicable in your situation but the general message I agree with: do what you like, become good at it, and be damn proud of it!
My parents didnt really care about computers but were ok with it and supported me doing what I want to do (I got a lot of brothers & sisters so I guess by the time they got to me they unlearnt to have specific expectations). I count myself lucky.
I live with my fiance atm, at first she was bitching something rotten because on my days off and the weekend I would sit at the computer 0700-0300 without rely talking to her, reading, forum browsing, coding etc.
Iâve made more time now but my progress is defo hampered by it.
However after having a talk with her, she needs to understand that if I donât study and practice, Iâll be working in McDonaldâs by the time I am 25.
If I would do that my gf would kick me out of the house, and I cant say I would blame her. Thereâs a certain balance to be maintained: I you dont study and practice youâll fail at work. If you dont invest a lot of time and effort into your relationship you will fail at home. Im pretty sure that failing at home will be much, much worse in the long term. Its very well possible to both spend a lot of quality time and to have concentrated dev / study sessions if you manage your time well.
I first took an interest in programming in the early 80s, when I was 9 or 10 years old. At the time, my parents didnât think I could be serious about it (I wanted to program games, of course) so couldnât really justify the expense of a new computer. We werenât very well off at all and computers were a significant expense back then. So I had no support whatsoever. I had a few opportunities now and again to bang out some very short Basic programs (at Sears or Radio Shack, or my uncleâs house), but never any chance to do anything beyond that. It took a while, but that eventually killed my interest and I moved on to other things. I didnât get my first computer until I was almost 29. That rekindled the flame and I jumped into Java 1.1 right away.
I say this because I wish I only had the problem that my father thought it wasnât a manly thing to do! With computers and access to information as ubiquitous as they are these days, more young people in the industrialized world have amazing opportunities to learn things that were well beyond reach for a majority of kids in my generation. There are still a lot of place in the world where they donât, but that is shrinking every year. Whatever your father thinks of programming, at least he isnât trying to prevent you from doing it.
That said, I did have issues with my wife for a while. When we first got married, it took quite a bit of time and effort to find a balance between my programming pursuits, work and family life. Somewhere along the way, things worked out and it stopped being a major issue, but there can still be times when Iâm sitting in front of the screen at 1 am and torn between getting to the root of some bug and going to bed. So I donât think conflict between programming and family ever really goes away completely â it just changes form. As a hobby, itâs really, really time consuming and demands a great deal of focus and attention, so thereâs always bound to be conflict of some sort.
A long time every free minute went into game development. It didnât pay off and left me with the feeling that I missed a good part of my life, particularly in an age when life seems best.
It caused all sorts of problems, and was, together with other reaons, a source for serious depression problems, which are still bothering me.
Family problems - well I missed the right time to found my own family, and my siblings told me âyouâre crazyâ, but well ⌠it was more or less accepted. I still think it was a bad idea, and since years Iâm trying to find a better balance between my hobby projects and non-computer activities.
In the beginning my parents were totally freaked out because I suddenly cut off all social interraction because I was so into coding. Later, I realized how much of a fool I was being so I spend more time "socializing" now, but certainly more time coding. My father, who was the big lacrosse star as well as very popular and had all the girls and whatnot, was visibly dissapointed in me. I played lacrosse because he wanted me to, and he knew it, however I kept playing because of that and because I had to get some exercise. The sport in my area has a despicable attitude, they're sexist, racist, and take any chance they have to act "macho 'n shit", even though they are failing in school. [/rant]
Well eventually my father accepted that that was who I was, and since then he has supported me, even if I bore the crap out of him talking about some bug I fixed or some new thing I created. It's really nice :). Honestly you need to tell him, "This is who I am, get used to it. Maybe you wanted some big sports star or muscley jock, but you're not getting that from me." and make sure he really gets it. Good luck :)
I mean the bottom line is, most everyone like us goes through pretty much the same thing even if it's in different situations. We know how you feel man.