My friend is being ruined by his religion.

Miscellaneous Topics
#1

First off, this subject could be quite volatile to some so my apologies.

I have a friend and he’s one good coder but can’t practice because of his religion. Instead he’s now trying to find work as diverse as construction worker or a gardener. He still lives with his parents because of that. For much of the year, they had no electricity because that’s not a priority.

He just emailed me he wants out but can’t. I have no idea why he can’t just “walk away”, find a better job since he’s a good coder.

I’m a catholic myself( have muslim, Christian, agnostic and athiest friends) but his religion’s rigidity is just nuts.

What should I advise him?

#2

He’s Amish?

#3

Nope.

Like me he’s from the Philippines and there are a lot of small religions popping up here.

He doesn’t want to talk about his religion. Only that it’s a Christian sect that does not celebrate Christmas, lent, etc.

#4

It’s very difficult to walk away from family and community in such a tight-knit culture like in the Philippines. I’m guessing he can’t just walk away from his religion because doing that would mean detatching himself from the life that he knows as well. If he wants to pursue a career in IT, it seems as though he’ll have to do it without the support of the community that he is currently in, which will be very difficult.

If he has the mental and emotional fortitude to detatch himself from his current life to pursue doing what he loves and is good at, then I think he should try pursuing his programming career and you should be a part of his support system as he tries to reshape his life.

On the other hand, if his current life is one that he cannot detach himself from - maybe for his own sake or the sake of his loved ones - then he will have to sacrifice working with computers.

If I were the one giving advise, it would be along those lines.

#5

I have a lot of practising Christians/Catholics in my workplace (with me being the only one who isn’t). I still can’t think of anything we do that might cause an issue for any employees, even our Christmas parties got turned into an “end of year festive celebration” which is fine by me. If there’s something offensive about the OS being used, you can always go for an alternative like Jesux

#6

^ I believe it’s that some Christian denominations reject depending on technology outright, hence the resistance to computer-based occupations.

#7

As anti-religion as I am, I think this has a lot less to do with religion and more to do with some pretty hardwired human instincts around community. While I can’t personally imagine taking a family like that over my own life, it’s clear that other people aren’t all wired the same. As for advice, I got nothing, other than that if he knows he has a friend who won’t judge him for his beliefs (even if they’re wacky), it might make it easier for him to decide later.

#8

Anti-theist here! ^This. Is why I don’t like religions. I like 'em just as a fairy tale like Harry Potter or such.

#9

I’m speaking as a plain Christian here, so some of this may not seem right to other religions.

IMO, if religion is getting in the way of doing something (good) with your life, you have got something wrong.

Don’t just take it from me, but here’s what I would do in that situation:

-Ask him what he thinks of the situation. What does he want to do?
-Tell him to tell his family his thoughts, how he feels etc., and ask them what they think, and what they think he should do.
-Hopefully he can sort things out from there.

#10

Well according to the TS, his friend “wants out but can’t,” so in terms of what he wants to do, I’m getting from that that the friend wants to pursue programming.

Although I just assumed that the family and community has already rejected the idea, but that’s not explicitly said in the OP so it may be worthwhile to suggest that he sit down and have a heart-to-heart with his family if he hasn’t done so yet.

#11

Thanks guys. I don’t know if I could advise him to walk away and loose his family but doing so would mean not giving him a chance to pursue his dreams.

In the end, I believe whatever choice he makes, he would loose something.

#12

Which is why he needs to work out which will lead him to the better life for him.

It all comes down to why his family/religion is against him coding.

#13

TIL some religions hate technology.

Man, this all is just about state of electrons! ;D

#14

The problem with technology is between the chair and the keyboard. :point:

#15

What about the mouse? :emo:

#16

Parents can be tough sometimes. My parents aren’t supportive in terms of what I wanted to do. In these cases, I suppose it is very difficult for us to actually ‘tell’ you what you must do. There are no rights and wrongs for this, if he really wants to choose IT as his career, like said above, if he manages to persevere through the tough times he is facing today, he should be able to become an IT guy.

But as for you, if you are his true friend, then you should give him as much support as he need. After all, parents can’t control their kids forever and I believe this is true for any religion. One day he will be free to do whatever he wants to do.

#17

A religion is a set of some cultures and some common habits. A religion doesn’t force anyone to do any thing. If it forces, it’s not a religion. Tell him that if he wants to do coding, do that. If he doesn’t want to code, let him leave. I think the problem is not the religion but his parents who aren’t aware of the software side. There are people who think that development is bad, just use them. When I said to my friends that I wanted to become a game developer, they laughed at me and said stories about children getting addict to playing them. This is an impression that people has but is not completely true. Yeah, there maybe games that say steal this without being noticed and all, there are also the ones which say to catch the thieves and all. I believe that this maybe the case in himself and again your friend has another problem too, he is unable to communicate his intention to them.

Say him to First communicate this problem to your parents. They maybe thinking that you are spoiling yourselves by sticking to the system and coding in some other language that they don’t know. Explain the benefits to them and try to convince them. Do whatever you want to do.

#18

I emailed the link to this thread to him.

Thanks guys.

#19

I think wanting approval of your parents for what you do is something that never really goes away, deep inside. It’s something fundamental, deeply ingrained in everyone (at least that is what I think). It doesn’t mean that you always must do what your parents approve of, just that it’s not always easy to choose your own way.

Maybe he should try to get out of house, find friends who think like him and who can support him.

#20

I wonder what the base of it is. Does it have something to do with needing to spend your time helping your fellow man in stead of what ultimately is done only for profit? I myself sometimes feel a hole in my life because I don’t really contribute anything positive to society, what I do only helps to make companies earn more bucks / have less costs.