Dear Mr. Bill Gates

Miscellaneous Topics
#1

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we found some problems, which I want to bring to your attention. After connecting to internet we planned to open an e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password field, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields, whatever we typed appears. We face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor who sold us this pc of the back of a truck and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we opened the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this, as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

We are unable to enter anything after we click the shut down button. There is a button ‘start’ but there is no stop button. We request
you to check this.

We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run’ and he has ran up to Antarctica! So, we request you to change that
to ‘sit’ so that we can click that by sitting.

Is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in that system? As I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home. Also there is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘find’, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

Thanks,

John Smith

#2

lol ;D

#3

Dear Mr. Smith,

Here at Microsoft we do our best to give our users the best feature experience possible, and to that end we provide extra features that we think you will find useful.

For example, when there is an error that could easily be recovered from we prefer to show a massive blue screen with not very useful information in it and make you reboot your computer just in case. Also, we know how dumb our users are and incapable of making their own decisions, so instead of relying on them to do updates, we have added the feature of our operating system to update itself and then reboot automatically. Here in Redmond we also know how much a problem e-mail viruses are and instead of educating users to not open exe files from unknown senders that say “Click Me For 1 Milliion Dollars - REALLY.exe”, we went ahead and disabled the ability for you to open any attachments that share the extension of a potential virus now or any time in the distant future.

Finally, for submitting this valuable e-mail to us we are including this free copy of the new Microsoft Anti-Spyware which solves your problems by locking up your machine anything that even closely resembles spyware, or any other program for that matter, it will lock up your machine to keep you from having to worry about your machine getting messed up.

Your Welcome,

Billy Gates

#4

Should mention how this was correct from previous versions of the “blue screen of death” that accidentally included some information.

[quote] Also, we know how dumb our users are and incapable of making their own decisions, so instead of relying on them to do updates, we have added the feature of our operating system to update itself and then reboot automatically.
[/quote]
Should also mention how your work in progress is destroyed and lost forever so that you can start fresh with the new updates.

[quote]Here in Redmond we also know how much a problem e-mail viruses are and instead of educating users to not open exe files from unknown senders that say “Click Me For 1 Milliion Dollars - REALLY.exe”, we went ahead and disabled the ability for you to open any attachments that share the extension of a potential virus now or any time in the distant future.
[/quote]
Should also mention that hiding file extensions was made the default behavior so you don’t have to worry about what types of files we won’t allow you to detach from your email and you won’t have to worry about what the real names of any files on your hard drive actually are.

[quote]Finally, for submitting this valuable e-mail to us we are including this free copy of the new Microsoft Anti-Spyware which solves your problems by locking up your machine anything that even closely resembles spyware, or any other program for that matter, it will lock up your machine to keep you from having to worry about your machine getting messed up.
[/quote]
Including a firewall to block all of those nasty Java programs that might want to open a network connection and accidentally allow you to communicate with the rest of the world.

#5

Dear swpalmer,

Don’t question Billy, he can make it so you never existed!

Billy Gates

#6

I seen just black screens of death, on windoze XP pro service pack 2, properly maintained and regulary updated.

#7

Dear Reghar,

That’s a feature, stop complaining!

Billy Gates

#8

rmb on my pc -> preferences -> advanced -> reboot on errors * ::slight_smile: this is the way in wich the bsod “desapeared” on wxp, so they could say “there are no more bsod on xp”

*translation may vary since i have only seen it in the spanish translated windoze

#9

But winxp crashes less than say win95.

#10

They’re still working on fixing that.